


Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

by soufflegirl91



Series: Souffle's 2020 LDWS Entries [4]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Barista Bond, Bond is so done with your shit Karen, Customer service Bond, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24602941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/pseuds/soufflegirl91
Summary: On an undercover mission, Bond considers the merits of murdering customers.
Series: Souffle's 2020 LDWS Entries [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750834
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29
Collections: MI6 Cafe Last Drabble Writer Standing





	Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> This is my final entry for LDWS 2020. Thanks to everyone who voted for me along the way! I did better than I ever expected.
> 
> The prompt for this one was "we live to serve" and it was... difficult. Go and read my amazing competitors' efforts after this!
> 
> Thanks as ever to Christinefromsherwood for being the best beta, sounding board and fic-fixer in existence.

“Is the hazelnut syrup sugar-free?” 

Bond bit back a sigh, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“I’m afraid not. Only the cinnamon and vanilla syrups are sugar-free.”

It wasn’t the  _ stupidest _ question in the world, but this had been going on for  _ five minutes _ . Or maybe three. It felt like five  _ hours. _

First, it had been “what’s the difference between a latte and a flat white?” Which… fair enough. He’d had to quickly remember his crash course in coffee-making to bullshit an explanation without saying “the flat white is smaller but costs more.”

_ Then, _ it was “why does the oat milk have a surcharge but the soy milk doesn’t?” prompting a lesson in the economics of non-dairy milk alternatives all the while considering  _ drowning _ his customer in said soy milk.

So: not the stupidest question in the world, but quite possibly the stupidest  _ customer. _

“I’ll have a cappuccino.” 

_ Seriously? _

“Was that with soy milk?” 

“Oh no, just regular milk’s fine.”

_ How was this his life?! _

“Syrup?”

“No, thanks.”

He could  _ feel _ his molars grinding with the force of his fake smile. _ Five minutes!  _ For  _ nothing! _

“And what name is it?”

“Karen.”

_ Of  _ course  _ it was. _

He had been stuck in this god-forsaken job for  _ three weeks _ , and was seriously weighing the pros and cons of ‘accidentally’ causing an explosion. Things like that happened, right? He could probably get away with it

_ “No, you can’t kill her.” _

Bond stifled a groan. Bad enough that he was stuck undercover as a bloody  _ barista _ in  _ Canada, _ without having Q in his ear all day judging his latte art and thwarting his murder plans. It turned out the Quartermaster was the bloody  _ customer service police _ . 

“I would  _ never, _ ” he muttered, too quiet for anyone else to hear. The last thing he needed was for his temporary “colleagues” to overhear him talking to thin air. 

_ “Of course not. Just like you’d never feed your gun to a komodo dragon.” _

“You know damned well that was an accident,” he whispered, sprinkling cocoa powder through a bloody  _ maple leaf  _ stencil. “How much longer, Q?”

Q just hummed apologetically. 

Straightening his shoulders and pasting another ‘friendly’ smile on his face, Bond handed over the drink.

“Well, at least you’re generous with the cocoa.”

_ “Fuck you, Karen.” _

“We aim to please. Enjoy your drink.”

Bond wondered whether he could talk Q into blowing the place up after all.


End file.
